My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
