I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
