You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
