omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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