so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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