I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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