Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
