he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
