what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
