Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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