I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
