Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
