I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
