you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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