those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
