i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
