Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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