i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
