if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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