i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I touched a dick in church today
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
