I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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