I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
