Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
