Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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