This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
