Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
