The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
