I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
