ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
