Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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