i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
