put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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