Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
