I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
