sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
