Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
