eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
