Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
