I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
