The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
