People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
