Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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