Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize