He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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