Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
