I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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