I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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