I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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