Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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