I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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