dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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