i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
