I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
