i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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