i barfeds in our rink
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
