Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
