taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
