we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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