I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
