I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
