Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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