AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
