I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
