My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
