My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
