if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
