YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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