Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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