the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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