the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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