Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
